I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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