You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
