I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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