used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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