I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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