why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
