So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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