I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
