My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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