his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
