i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
