how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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