Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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