so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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