worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
