i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I smell like Dick and happiness
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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