we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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