the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
