He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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