He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
