My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
