Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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