the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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