so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
