He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
