yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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