tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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