That's intense
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
