i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
