Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
