My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
