im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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