2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
