glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
