Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
