You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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