She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize