I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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