I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
