I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
