I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
