Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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