You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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