I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
