I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there was a trapeze. enough said
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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