CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
