Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
