I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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