I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
