there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
