I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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