he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who died my cat blue again?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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