so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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