I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
