Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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