I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
