At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
